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Why I Created PolyAm Dynamics: A Kink-Rooted Framework for Conscious Polyamory

I’ve been open and polyamorous my entire life, long before I had the language for it. It was intuitive. Between 2015–2020, expanded vocabulary, educators, and resources finally gave shape to my love style. Yet even with everything available, many topics I researched still yielded “ungoogleable” results.

With years of researching, writing, leading, and curating events, content, and services across relationships, sexuality, dating, travel, hospitality, entertainment, erotic performance, kink/BDSM, somatic work, and spirituality, PolyAm Dynamics became my natural evolution.

This treasure trove is now a blueprint for a potentially new genre of polyamory or at least an expanded view of it: a visceral, kink-rooted, high-protocol, performer-lens, public-facing yet private polyamory that centers freedom, sovereignty, sacred eroticism, and structured access.

PolyAm Dynamics Core Methodology: The Alchemical Love Lab Framework

Polyam Dynamics is a fluid, multidimensional framework blending erotic self-discovery, relational intelligence, and radical intentionality. It includes 7 interwoven pillars:

  1. Self-Awareness & Inner Alchemy
    Desire Mapping, Emotional Literacy, Pleasure Sovereignty
    → Emotional and sensual fluency; authenticity as magnetism.

  2. Sensual Embodiment & Erotic Power
    Sensuality, Movement, Intention, Erotic Mindfulness
    → Reclaiming bodily autonomy; deepening erotic energy.

  3. Intentional Dating & Relationship Curation
    Curated Connection, Dating Inventory, Intimacy Design
    → Mindful relational development.

  4. Radical Transparency & Communication Tools
    Vulnerability, Boundaries, Accountability, Consent
    → Emotional safety and sustainable trust.

  5. Spiritual Eroticism & Sacred Sexuality
    Sacred Intimacy, Erotic Ritual, Archetypal Expression
    → Elevating sexuality as spiritual practice.

  6. Community, Storytelling & Shared Witnessing
    Story-as-Living, Communal Healing, Co-Elevation
    → Networks of intimacy and collective empowerment.

  7. Provocation & Creative Expression
    Erotic Provocation, Theater of Change, Voice Activation
    → Cultural influence through erotic truth.

PolyAm Dynamics: The Methodology

PolyAm Dynamics unfolds through five alchemical phases:

  1. Discovery — The Alchemy of Self-Study & Desire
    Curiosity, Play, Pleasure, Imagination

  2. Embodiment — The Erotic Body as Portal
    Presence, Erotic Power, Ritual, Expression

  3. Connection — The Art of Relating
    Emotional Safety, Vulnerability, Energetics, Honesty

  4. Architecture — Building Conscious Dynamics
    Co-Design, Power, Structure, Consent, Agreements

  5. Integration — Living the Story
    Devotion, Daily Ritual, Accountability, Story Living

Supplemental Threads & Influences

These infuse my methodology:

  • Wild Magical Woman Philosophy: Presence, Pleasure, Provocation, Play, Power

  • My Erotic Philosophy: Self-expression, self-reclamation, radical intimacy

  • Augusto Boal’s provocation: theatre as relational transformation

  • Spiritual Eroticism: mystical consciousness + primal energy

  • Polyamory as Liberation: love and connection as political and sacred practice

Bits Of My Personal Story

I’ve been in nearly every type of nonmonogamous dynamic—“don’t ask, don’t tell,” “kitchen table,” “lapsitting,” closed triads, solo-poly, mostly “parallel,” a few threesomes, sex parties, and a summer with SwingerBae.

Being Black, gender-queer, pansexual, kinky, a public performance artist, a reclusive introvert, an outgoing award-winning marketer, my experiences form an archive of living edge cases where love, power, race, sex, and sovereignty intersect. These aren’t just stories—they’re case studies in subversive emotional engineering.

Through self-inquiry, shadow work, and shadow play, emergent themes revealed themselves:

THEMES THAT EMERGE FROM THE PAST 10 YEARS

  • Boundary Breach in Public-Private Spaces

    • Examples: Metamours showing up to my day and nightlife jobs. Being on a date with a hinge and a metamour shows up and kisses our shared partner on MY date with said partner. 
    • Theme: There is a deep need to distinguish between relational access and environmental proximity. Most polyamory frameworks don’t account for what happens when my or your career is public, my/your sensuality is visible, and my/your work is also consumed by metamours.
    • Core Truth: Just because I am visible doesn’t mean I am available.

  • Racialized Labor + Emotional Expectations

    • Examples: White metamours showing up to my job and disregarding professionalism and boundaries. A white metamour moving in with a share hinge during the George Floyd uprisings, and I wasn’t allowed to visit the hinge anymore. I was asked to be gracious towards her request because she was delicate.
    • Theme: My polyamory doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It unfolds within a racialized erotic economy where I’m asked to give grace to those who don’t get my context, credit, or consent.
    • Core Truth: “Gracious” is often code for “emotionally accommodating whiteness.” I am not a cultural concierge.

  • Desire for High Protocol, Not Casual Integration

    • Example: I don’t want to watch my lover engage erotically or sexually with a metamour. If my metamours want to emulate or learn from me, pay my consulting rate.
    • Theme: My polyamory is intentional, ritualistic, psychologically intense, and I am not interested in casual collectivism. I don’t want to be part of a polyamorous “tribe.” I want conscious, kink-infused relational architecture.
    • Core Truth: Every interaction with me is spellwork. Casualness without consent is a breach of ritual.

  • Clarity Around Consent in Ambiguous Spaces

    • Example: I don’t do polycule group dates. Ambiguous non-date nights are disrespectful when I’m performing or on a date.
    • Theme: I am negotiating aesthetic voyeurism vs consensual erotic engagement. Many metas don’t understand that their “presence” is also an energetic penetration — and that simply being around me is a kind of erotic consumption.
    • Core Truth: Witnessing without reverence is not neutral.
       Visibility ≠ vulnerability ≠ availability.

  • Structural Desire for Ritual, Clarity, and Containment

    • Example: I want the initial meta meeting neutral — not my job, not the hinge’s house. I don’t do saliva-swaps or energy swaps across multiple dates without consecration. I want my lovers to be freshly showered, clean-mouthed, and energetically clear.
    • Theme: My polyamory operates like a sacred circuit. It demands containment, sanitation, clarity, and intentional transitions between energetic states and partners. This is deeply ritualistic, erotic, and sovereign.
    • Core Truth: Polyamory for me is an ecosystem — not a free-for-all. If you don’t clean the space, the spell collapses.

Questions for Me to Further Explore

  • Where do I overextend myself emotionally to maintain grace?
  • What would it mean to become even more unavailable to those who haven’t earned access?
  • Can I create ceremonial closure for relationships I’ve outgrown or no longer want access to me?
  • What role should metamour protocol play in dating me?

Essence Across the Past 20 Years:

When I review my writings over the past 20 years, I find they are autobiographical time capsules – radiating themes that still pulse through my current ethos:

  • Intentionality as sacred practice

  • Sensual intelligence and erotic sovereignty

  • Relational power dynamics rooted in clarity, not control

  • A high value on experience and meaning over labels and scripts

  • Wild divine, structured mind

One essay, “What You Should Absolutely Know If You Want ALL of Me,” is a self-mythologizing piece masked as a relationship questionnaire—a living document of desire, vulnerability, and boundaries. I was co-creating my own relationship architecture through the eyes of vetted others.

 

What stands out:

  • My Switchress Origin Energy: Even though the archetype wasn’t fully named yet, she was alive. The demand for intentionality, the awareness of gatekeeping my vulnerability, the hunger for erotic intellect – all preludes to the dominion I would later claim.

  • The Dominance of Clarity: “Don’t lie.” “Don’t be late.” “Don’t assume.” These phrases echo throughout my writings, journals, and essays. They reveal a demand for precise communication, clear energetics, and depth over flattery – a high-frequency dating filter.

  • Wild Magic Meets Analytical Thought: I use close friends and chosen community as mirrors in an almost scientific way. It becomes a ritual of self-definition: measuring the myth of me through relational data.

  • Thematic Truths: Fierce loyalty + sensitivity = high discernment thresholds; a need for emotional containment while holding space for chaos; the core tension between structure/control and wildness/freedom.

 

Another essay, “What Do You Want Your Dating Life to FEEL Like?” reads like an evolution—moving from the personal to the philosophical, from “here’s how to love me” to “how are you defining love for yourself?”

 

What stands out:

  • Erotic Epistemology: A different knowing based on sensation, vibration, energy, and aligned embodiment—not checklists.
  • Switchress in Full Voice: My blend of sensuality and self-possession is fully present. I name what I want and invite others to explore their own desires.
  • Experience Over Outcome: Time isn’t wasted if it’s intentional and embodied. Dating becomes a practice rather than a path to a fixed state.

  • Subversive Romance Theology: Dating-as-ritual—where intention, pleasure, and presence are the altar. This anticipated my current work blending sacred sexuality, lifestyle kink, and personal mythmaking.

Shay Au Lait, circa 2005–2020, was the raw, early transmission of what would become the doctrine, aesthetic, and energy field of Switchress: rituals, erotic thresholds, curated intimacy, internal sovereignty, and the sacred nature of vulnerability.

These writings are also marked by compassion. Even with firm boundaries, the tone is never cruel or punishing—clear, empowering, sometimes playful, sometimes achingly honest. That is the true dominance: not control, but containment through care.

Resources and References:

What is your love style? Do you blend the protocols of BDSM & Kink into your romance and love?