When I trace my BDSM and kink lineage back through my first curiosities, my early initiations, and the versions of myself that came before, certain moments stand out as thresholds and core memories. Not milestones for show, but quiet confirmations that I am exactly where I am meant to be. Not just as a practitioner, but as a thinker, a ritualist, and a sadomasochist who believes depth matters.
I’m deeply honored and genuinely excited to be teaching at Reign of Pain 2026, a virtual conference devoted to the darker, more nuanced edges of sadism & masochism, power, and desire. This space invites complexity. It welcomes curiosity. And it understands that the sensation of pain, when held with intention, can be a language, a spell, and a doorway.
My class, “Unmasking Sadism: Beyond the Flesh and Into the Psyche,” is an offering from the quieter, sharper corners of my sadistic heart and soul.
Sadism is often flattened into implements and marks. This workshop deliberately widens the lens.
We’ll explore how attention, denial, silence, psychological tension, ritual, and emotional precision can be just as potent, sometimes more so, than impact alone. Through discussion, examples, guided mental exercises, and theory rooted in lived experience, I’ll unpack
- how cruelty and care are not opposites, but collaborators
- how surrender can be evoked without laying a hand
- how sadism can be measured, sovereign, intentional, and profoundly connective.
This work is informed not only by my years as a Professional Dominatrix, but by the community spaces that have shaped me, especially Villains Sanctuary via the Black Kink Network, where power is interrogated, not performed thoughtlessly, and where depth, accountability, and Black kinky brilliance and play are centered with DA Kollector and the late Mr. CunningLinguist.
The Black Kink Network is the connective tissue that makes much of this work possible. It is a living ecosystem of people, houses, and spaces committed to intentional power exchange, cultural context, and the protection and celebration of Black kinky expression. BKN centers lineage, accountability, and community care, ensuring that kink is not divorced from identity, history, or responsibility – but held as a practice of sovereignty and collective integrity.
I also want to name SpeakEasy Noir, my hotspot, laboratory, and ritual ground within the Black Kink Network ecosystem and beyond. It’s where theory meets embodiment, where erotic intelligence is sharpened, and where this work continues to evolve in conversation with community.
SpeakEasy Noir on Clubhouse and via the Black Kink Network offers a unique, ritual-based approach to kink education through interactive podcasts and community talks hosted by me, Switchress Shay Au Lait. It blends psychological depth, playful performance, erotic spirituality, and intersectional identity, with topics ranging from negotiation and archetypes to aftercare and kink culture critiques. The space is queer, Black-led, radically inclusive, and deeply intentional.
Its strength lies in fusing immersive storytelling with ritual, empowerment, and cultural nuance, offering a layered, soulful alternative to more clinical or entertainment-driven kink content.
Another of my communities is SuciaKINK by way of SuciaNYC or the Sucia Universe.
SuciaKINK is Kink with context. Power with integrity. Desire with depth.
It is a curated body of work that braids together my kink philosophy as Switchress, my Fae-aligned erotic cosmology, and the transformative, pleasure-forward lineage of Sucia. It lives at the intersection of filth and reverence, mischief and mastery, sweetness and sensation.
In basic terms, SuciaKINK is the BDSM and kink education, exploration, and ritual arm of the SuciaNYC Universe. If you wanna go deeper, it exists to cultivate erotic intelligence, intentional power exchange, and conscious desire within sex-positive, polyamorous/ENM, and kink-adjacent communities, especially centering Black, Brown, Queer, and marginalized bodies.
We prioritize context, responsibility, and integration. We understand kink as a relational practice rooted in consent, communication, lineage, and accountability.
One of its strengths lies in fusing immersive storytelling with ritual, empowerment, and cultural nuance, offering a layered, soulful alternative to more clinical or entertainment-driven kink content.
Regarding RoP, Reign of Pain isn’t just a conference. It’s a gathering of people willing to engage kink as an art form, a discipline, and a site of transformation.
Whether you’re an experienced sadist, a masochist exploring your edges, or someone still mapping your relationship to intensity, there is room for you.
And for those who curate spaces such as conferences, retreats, festivals, community gatherings, and other events, this is also an open door.
I am available as a speaker, educator, facilitator, host, producer, consultant, and performer, offering work that blends BDSM, psychology, ritual, communication, power dynamics, and embodied leadership. If my voice resonates here, imagine what it could do in your space.
You can explore more of my work, book me, or dive deeper here:
- Switchress Website: https://www.shayaulait.com/kinky-siren-switchress/
- Public Speaker Page: https://www.shayaulait.com/keynote-speaker/
- SpeakEasy Noir on Clubhouse Guide: https://speakeasynoir.com/clubhouse/
Also, join me at Reign of Pain 2026
- FetLife event page: https://fetlife.com/events/1839826
- Conference Ticket Link: https://events.humanitix.com/reign-of-pain-2026
This chapter of my journey is dedicated to Mr. CunningLinguist. My friend, mentor, business partner, chosen big brother and BDSM/Kink Icon who was one of the most profound Sadists that I ever met.
In Memoriam – Mr. CunningLinguist
July 23, 1973 – October 4, 2025
Until its time for class,
Let it reign.