Stop Forcing Cis Men Into Humiliation Rituals at Burlesque and Drag Shows

Highlights

• The “Humiliation” Trend is Unethical: Many hosts open shows by announcing their intent to make men uncomfortable. Unless this is a specific kink event where consent was given, forcing humiliation on a paying customer is predatory and bad business.

• Men are Patrons, Not Props: If you market your show to the general public to sell tickets, you owe every patron – regardless of gender – a respectful experience.

• Hospitality Over Hostility: Siren Pack prioritizes hospitality. By treating men with respect rather than disdain, many male patrons report feeling moved, inspired, and educated on the difference and overlap of objectification and performance art, specifically erotic art.

• Centering vs. Excluding: You can center Black, Queer, and Femme narratives without “punching down” on the men in the room. Inclusivity doesn’t require the degradation of the “outsider.”

• The “Bubble” Trap: Referring to my article “We Never Let the Men In,” from 2014, I posit that keeping erotic art in a “safe bubble” limits its power. True empowerment comes from letting the world (including men) witness the ceremony of the art, rather than hiding it.

What is Featured

The Consent Gap in Performance: The core of this focuses on consent. There is a bit of irony in communities that champion consent culture turning around and subjecting men to non-consensual humiliation rituals. If a producer does not want cis men at their show, they should explicitly state that in their marketing. Taking a man’s money and then publicly degrading him is not activism. It’s a lack of integrity.

Real-World Impact: I share moving testimonials from men who attended Siren Pack shows. Instead of feeling attacked, these men described the shows as “magical worlds” that sparked their own inner bravery. One patron, a veteran with CPTSD, noted that the welcoming environment allowed his nervous system to relax, turning him into a devoted fan of drag and burlesque.

A Blueprint for Inclusion: I also share how the Black Kink Network handles this balance. BKN explicitly “Center Blackness” while welcoming all races. They provide guidelines for non-Black members to participate with respect and solidarity, rather than dominance. This model proves that you can hold a sacred space for a specific group while still inviting others in to witness and celebrate it responsibly.

Additional Key Points 

• The “Nervous System” of the Audience: One of the most poignant moments I share is the story of the veteran with CPTSD. As a producer, I believe you have a responsibility to keep your audience’s nervous system in mind so they can actually receive the art. High-stress “humiliation” can trigger trauma in ways a performer might not intend.

• The “Blackout” vs. The “Conversation”: I also provide a critique of the “blackout lifestyle”- performing in a way where the audience doesn’t even need to be there. True growth happens in the “conversation” with the observer or participant, and excluding men prevents a vital energetic exchange that can lead to real-world change.

• The Financial Irony: There’s also some practical contradiction of many performers: Many venues are owned by men, and many grants are funded by men. I challenge the ethics of taking money and validation from a group while simultaneously telling them to “shut up and know your place” without prior consent.

• Market Research & Client Archetypes: A successful production is about intentional marketing. Instead of being mad that men showed up, producers should be clear about their “client archetypes.” If you don’t want a certain demographic, don’t take their money; if you do, treat them as the customer they are.

• The “Siren’s Lair” as Ceremony: I redefine the show not just as entertainment, but as a holy ceremony of vulnerability and eroticism. By letting men witness this power, I believe it does more for their understanding of women and feminine energy than any support group or lecture ever could.